The good, the bad and the ugly

Remember when I was in Pakistan and the doorman walked in on me, half naked? Or when I was stuck in the London airport and woke up on a terminal bench canoodling with a homeless woman? Or just last week when slipped getting into the big tonka trucks over here, splashing into a nasty puddle of mud?

Well, those are the stories people always comment on the most. Thus, I thought I would share the best pick up lines.  These are good, friends. So good, I don't think I can keep them to myself. You'll have to stick with it, as I will update it regularly (but I won't be going out a lot). But, I do promise they will be good, as the ratio of men to women in bars here is about 10 to 1.

So far...

Drunken Sir #1: "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, are you from around here?"
Me: "Ummm, sir, we are in Kabul. No, I am not from around here."
Drunken Sir #2: hands Drunken Sir #1 a drink (so he now has 2 drinks in his hand, spilling drink number 1
Drunker Sir #1: "But you look like the local flavor"
Me: Kindly bow out of conversation

Nice French Diplomat Man: "So, wvhere are you from?" (spelling is his french accent, not drunked slur)
Me: "The States"
Nice French Diplomat Man: "Wvhere in the US?"
Me: Wisconsin
Nice French Diplomat Man: "They ave sheeeseheads"
Nice French Diplomat Man: "nd  tat '70s Show"
Nice French Diplomat Man: "nd a futball team, yah?"
Me: "You could say that about most any State"
Nice French Diplomat Man: "the paacvers!" (after he got another drink)
... I later figured out he was googling Wisconsin on his iPhone (points for creativeness? or a little creepy?)

Maybe Normal Sir? #1: "You are from the US, yah?"
Me: "I am"
Maybe Normal Sir? #1: "I can't detect your accent, what State are you from?"
Me: "Wisconsin"
Maybe Normal Sir? #1: (giggles a bit and turns his head)
Me: "Umm, why is that funny? What is so funny about Wisconsin?"
Maybe Normal Sir? #1: "They say all good girls come from Wisconsin"
Me: "Oh, really, is that so. Well, where are you from?"
Maybe Normal Sir? #1: "Nebraska"

Nice French Diplomat Man (another night): creepishly approaches from behind
Nice French Diplomat Man: "vvhhy, hesslo there"
Me: "Hey, how are you?"
Nice French Diplomat Man:"I'm puerrefect, nd du?"
Me: "I'm well, thanks! I am going to go dance with my friends, I'll see you later"
Nice French Diplomat Man:"I'll be tsvinkig about you svile I slevp tonight"
Me: peeaceed out of that convo pretty quickly